Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
