addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
