I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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