Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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