Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
