I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Shame - the story of my life.
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