By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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