I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize