pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
