I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
