Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
