Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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