fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
