I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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