The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
