it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
