I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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