okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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