So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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