Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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