She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Randomize
