It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
