Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
