I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
