he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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