Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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