we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
