dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
