Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
