Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
