What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
