Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize