ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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