went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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