i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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