Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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