he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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