is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
