i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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