May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
