can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
