he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
