i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
