Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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