my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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