When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
