exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
