dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
