AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
