It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
