Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
