he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
