I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
