whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
