Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I love you. Go after that dick
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
