Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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