Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Drunk is a universal language darling
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
