that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
