i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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