I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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