dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have demons in me.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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