Your face is a jimmy john
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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