The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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