I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
